I See You {A poem to my younger self}
I see you bracing yourself by the door
As life shattered on the floor.
How is this fair?
Gasping for air.
It won’t be like this forever.
I see you lying in bed,
Thoughts racing through your head.
Begging for sleep.
Instead, you just weep.
It won’t be like this forever.
I see you show others you're okay.
Always been your forte.
Easing this heavy blow
For those that you know.
You don't have to be brave forever.
I see them wheeling you--foggy.
Through surgery, but you’re groggy.
Sliced, and then stapled;
Muscles now disabled.
It won’t be like this forever.
I see you overwhelmed by the love.
They're helping you rise above.
Let it in. Soak it up.
Let them fill your empty cup.
You won’t be like this forever.
I see you scared half to death.
But you stand up, take a breath.
Walking in quaky,
Shivering, and shaky.
This won’t last forever.
I see you blinking back tears
While drowning in fears.
Chemo in IV.
Can’t bear to see.
It won’t be like this forever.
I see you thrashing in pain
That is beyond insane.
Hacksaw to the knees;
Writhing to break free.
It won’t feel like this forever.
I see you asleep, medicated.
Alive, but devastated.
Tear-stained cheeks.
How many more weeks?
It won’t be like this forever.
I see you maintaining composure
To deflect your exposure.
Just fall apart,
And open your heart.
You won't feel like this forever.
I see you standing over there.
Big, sad eyes, thinning hair.
Broken and bruised.
So lost and confused.
You won’t be like this forever.
I see you moving your feet;
Swaying to the beat.
Escaped for a night
So your heart could take flight.
You won't have to do this forever.
I see you crumbling
Through this giant rumbling.
What if falling apart
Is the perfect fresh start?
It won’t feel like this forever.
I see you breaking
Through the brave that you’re faking.
Hair falls to the floor.
Heart breaks even more.
It won’t feel this hard forever.
I see you look in the mirror;
Eyes filling with tears.
Puffy and pale,
Yet skinny and frail.
You won’t be like this forever.
I see you doing your best,
Forgetting the rest.
Head down pushing through;
Feeling black and blue.
You won't feel like this forever.
I see you run when it’s done.
A dust trail in the sun.
Get out of here fast.
Leave it all in the past.
You won’t feel like this forever.
I see you holding a shield
Pretending you’ve healed.
Drop the charade.
Stop the masquerade.
You can’t go on like this forever.
I see you all reflective
Pondering, introspective.
The dots must connect.
You’ll find self-respect.
It won’t feel this hard forever.
I see you finding your heart;
Learning to love all your parts.
It can feel so hard
When you feel broken and scarred.
It won’t feel like this forever.
I see you finding your voice.
Speaking up is a choice.
Struggle has departed.
Wisdom now imparted.
You can grow from this forever.
I see you finding resolution.
Your next evolution.
Back to where it all started
Deep breath; open-hearted. You can learn from this forever.
