It is beyond terrifying and you are left holding, in your hands, the shattered glass pieces of your life, so sharp that you can feel the warm metaphorical blood seeping from your fresh wounds. It takes every ounce of strength to hold yourself together; every ounce of courage to put one foot in front of the other, when you’d rather collapse in a heap on the floor.
This was me 10 years ago, as I stood in a doctor’s office, while my sweet family doctor had tears in his eyes as he delivered to me a blindsiding diagnosis of cancer. With the oxygen ripped from my lungs, I tried to hold it together for everyone around me with a mask of positivity and unwavering strength because that is the only way I knew how, back then.
There was no family history to blame. No conscious left brained, Western medical explanation to cling to. Physically, I was an elite athlete in great shape -- I ate a healthy diet, and had no physical issues to blame. There had to be an explanation. This doesn't make sense. This can’t be happening. To me? Seriously? Somebody wake me up from this nightmare. I’m 21.
When you are standing there with the broken, shattered shards of your life in your hands, there is actually the most remarkable opportunity – a crossroads if you will – to wake up and find a new way. It is a (sometimes once in a lifetime) opportunity to allow the pieces to totally fall apart so that you can rebuild yourself from scratch. Little did I know at the time, this was the TSN turning point of my entire life:
As I arrived at the hospital and was shown to my room, an angel (dressed in a nurse’s uniform), felt an urge to tell my mom and I about BodyTalk as she was routinely taking my vitals. She said she didn’t know what it was about, but just felt like she needed to tell us (ahem, intuition). Although I didn’t realize it at the time, this was the beginning of unraveling the silver lining of cancer – learning to wake up to follow my own inner compass. In every struggle, there is a beautiful gift waiting for us when we are ready, willing, and open to receiving it -- A message in the mess, a gift in the wound. I wouldn’t have gotten the message if my life hadn’t just shattered on the floor. I wouldn’t have had to wake up and find a completely new way to live my life had I been faced with something less extreme than cancer. At 21.
Three months later -- after a minor surgery, an official diagnosis of stage 3 ovarian cancer, a huge surgery to remove a football sized, 5 pound tumour (10 years ago today on June 27, 2007), 21 days in hospital, 9 weeks of chemo, and more BodyTalk sessions that I can count -- I hopped on a plane back to finish my final year of university in the States. Fourteen months after that, I officially began on the journey of learning the BodyTalk System to expand my understanding, awareness, and consciousness. In this process, BodyTalk was the tool I needed to allow me to sift through my own built up pile of crap (repressed emotions, limiting beliefs, poor self worth, active memories, and so on) in order to heal, learn, and make sense of my experience and my entire understanding of life itself. After all, I'm sure you've heard the quote "The cure for the pain, is in the pain." As I continue to unravel more and more of my limiting beliefs, life continues to expand. And of course it does – isn’t that the whole point of consciousness work? -- To expand your awareness and break your own self-imposed belief shackles!
Having an experience with cancer was the cosmic hammer that smashed me on the head and made me wake up to a new way of being, thinking, and experiencing life. It redirected my entire life and woke me up to the magnificent wisdom I have within myself that I had been beyond ignoring for most of my life up until that point. It showed me that there was so much more to the human experience than the physical body.
When I look back a decade down the winding trail of life that brought me to today; it totally blows my mind how far I’ve come. I feel I don’t even know that person from 10 years ago. Cancer softened me. Maybe not immediately, but it broke open my hardened protective shell allowing me to move inward to explore, adventure, and heal through layers upon layers of my metaphorical personal onion. I have come a long way in the last decade, yet I know this is only the beginning, because we are never done unlearning for as long as we live. Am I ever grateful for the catalyst that began the unfolding process – the process of unbecoming all that I am not, so that I could start to discover and uncover the real me under the masks, beliefs, labels, roles, and all the other bullshit I’ve come to believe about myself over the years. It woke me up to my innate wisdom; to my inborn gifts and talents, while redirecting my career path and my entire life, and infusing me with clear purpose that resonates deep within my soul. This journey has taught me how to learn to trust and follow my own inner compass: my intuition.
This journey has been nothing short of completely mind blowing and transformational at a level so deep that words will never begin to do it justice. Cancer opened a door that I would have never even seen before, which connected the cosmic dots and over time has made my whole world make sense. Somebody please pinch me. When I actually stop and reflect on all of this, my jaw hits the ground with left-brained disbelief that this is my current reality. Who is that girl back then? How did I get so lucky to get to have an experience so powerful at 21 that it could wake me up and redirect my life? "How is all of this even possible?!" says my left brain! ;-) How absolutely mind-blowing is it that I get to have this incredible job that breaks people free from their own chains, just like it did for me, and continues to do every single day. Seriously, somebody pinch me. Cancer, to this, in 10 years. Wow, thank you Universe for waking me up with a so very badly needed smack by the cosmic hammer. I can’t wait to see what else is in store.
From the bottom of my heart, Thank you to the angel in a nursing uniform who listened to her intuition and told my family about BodyTalk on that fateful day, a hospital room in Rosetown, Saskatchewan. There are no coincidences in life. I was right where I needed to be that day in June, back in 2007.